I Left Behind Me, A Shadow (I)

Respect the essential condition of your initiative to accelerate your transformation, so that to resonate more easily with the entire spectrum of the leadership.

I felt somehow a winner, finally free and able to do anything. I was offering to myself the possibility of a self-assessment, through a retrospective of my own disappointments and searches. A tacit separation of the past, healthy and complete, like an indispensable thing into my existence. Something gave me to understand that I had to do only one step towards the direction of the complete change that I glimpsed on the horizon.

A rough agreement with myself. I had to face that devouring fire that burned in me incessantly whenever I tried to initiate something. And how else to extinguish the fire, than with boldness? I was imposing to myself a last attempt, and if I failed, I was to change my route, finally and irrevocably as a hard law of life, scrupulously respected. And to look for something else, for a force of attraction, not of rejection.

Inner evolution becomes possible only when you assume the role of creator of your own identity, without imposing the beliefs of this identity on others.

An imperative renewal towards which I aspired for a while. The ideas, the persistent images, based on the combination and transformation of my defining features, never ceased to haunt me. I felt into the skin of a magician, the guardian of a strange artificial creation, which does not want to impose anyone his own visions, and who opposes a fierce resistance to all those who want to impose him certain constraints.

Winged by a renewing blast and by the specific impetus of a new beginning, I was totally dedicating myself, caring, to my inner needs. The elaborate form of the Ego’s projection that says "Yes" to change. I was the ardent defender of my aspirations towards becoming someone else, towards the consolidation of an individuality significantly imposed by my own examination and assessment.

I was closer and closer to a tough "landing". I was living the illusion of a self-imposed reality.

Can you differently highlight the subtlety of soul experiences, even if you are compelled to endure those personality traits you do not want to show to the world?

Without hesitation, I left myself worn by the steps of an inner alchemy, on which I relied, silently, with all my being. Animated by the same spirit of sacrifice, and by the same enormous will, with which Orpheus, son of the Thracian king Oeagrus, descended into hell in order to retrieve his beloved nymph. However, just like Orpheus, tormented by fears as I was, I could not respect the essential condition of my initiative to accelerate my transformation: the acceptance.

I escorted far away my desires and ideals, towards the place known only by me, towards the place, where I was not really sure I want to reach, towards the place where, through a small space between the two columns of the transformation of "to be" and "to become" could be distinguished the vulnerability, doubt and fear. Three components supported by the reality of others, three goals scored in my own gate, in the overwhelming game with life.

Identity formation is the art of guarding your creation against external constraints through constant introspection.

I was running into the direction of the "shadow" that I glimpsed on the horizon. Towards the incomprehensible part of me, the exponent of a contradictory attitude, of uncertainty that claims a monotonous uniformity. I was unconsciously capitulating before the unknown.

I was not aware of what happens with me, with my soul and mind, with my experiences, with all that was composing me in relation to everything that surrounded me. As if an unseen force rised me to an unexpected acuteness of the senses. And, the same force brought me down then, into a total exhaustion.

Everything seemed to mix into a perpetuum mobile of the identity, of remembrance, of the passage of time and regain. I was crossing the steep slope of the alternative: acceptance or renunciation. It was a big challenge for someone, who became the slave of a state on the time axis, in relation with only two references: present and past.

Does the one who I am permanently take the place of the one who I was?

Do you show yourself open towards change, or you hide into the shadow of the one who you were from the perspective of self-realization that suffers certain imperfections?

Do you aspire to a total renewal? Do you have to do a single step towards the direction of a definitive change? Does this step involve an acceptance or a renunciation? Do you dedicate yourself entirely to your inner requirements? Do you live the illusion of a self-imposed reality? Are you escorting far away your desires and ideals, towards the place where you are not sure you want to reach?

I remember what was saying at one moment the expert in terms of leadership, John Maxwell: "To my delight, I discovered that a leader can be built." I agree with this view.

However, all this process of building the leader, who can always be put into operation, the important part of self-realization into present or future, can be pursued on two levels: the acceptance or renunciation. The desire of conquering some new frontiers, or the capitulation before the unknown.

The only imperfection that self-realization can have is the contrast between how to look at yourself in the context of giving up the ideals in which you believe and the reality you impose as the limit of a weakly-dampened oscillation between what’s happening to you and what you know you cannot change about yourself.

The shadow symbolizes man’s state of being in relation to the act of perceiving the self-impacted reality from the point of view of a specific momentum to a new beginning of the cycle for the relationship between the blurred image of one’s own identity when you forget your roots and continuity, and surrendering to the unknown regarding transformation can guide you to fulfillment.

I left behind me, a shadow brings to the fore the removing resistance towards change and reopening of a bright path, of real interest to life. Be prepared to decide the moment of separation from the past, of the one you were, bringing a major contribution to the identification and exploitation the potential of getting into a better version of you.

The decision to change yourself fully belongs to you. If you want to make from you a leader, you must rely on the analysis of your potential, of the not imposed acceptance to follow an upward trend in accordance with your personality and your capacity of transformation - the acceptance of renunciation to the past, and your anchorage in the present and future.