The guardian of the stormy soul

On June 15, 2010, in Personal development, by Neculai Fantanaru

Enhance the quality level of your results by exploiting your own ressources, which have the particularity to produce positive effects.

Yesterday evening, I played ping-pong with one of my best friends, Razvan. After one hour, when we were tied at sets, we got to the decisive set, the one establishing whom would be the best.

We were tied again, 20 to 20. The one winning the advantages would be winner. But that, I must confess, was the moment I really started to worry, the moment I was afraid not to make any mistake. A shiver filled my body from head to toe, a shiver of fear and restlessness filled my entire soul. It seemed as I had always known that I would get here, to be tied, and that I would lose. It was almost impossible for me to concentrate, the thought that I would be a loser couldn't leave me at rest. This thought would scourge my pride and put at stake all my forces.

Before serving his ball, Razvan took a very suggestive look at me, fully exaggerated, but in which you could see self confidence. It made me quiver. His winner attitude seemed to tell me: “You will see that I will defeat you”.

How eager was my soul to receive this challenge. It was almost as if I was in a duel with an adversary against whom I stood no chance. I felt like a safe target in front of my opponent's gun.

Although I was sunk in a sort of deaf despair, I had the courage to look Razvan straight in the eye, hoping to make him believe that I wasn't afraid. I smiled tacitly. But that didn't change my feelings. My nature was numb, I was lacking power and will. And as I had foreseen, I lost.

Your soul hears you and listens to you

There is a Boogeyman in everybody. Just that it doesn't hide under the bed or in the closet, as we used to imagine when we were children, but inside us, in our minds and hearts.

For me, the Boogeyman was the fear of failure, the fear that I wouldn't be a winner and that my pride would be hurt. And my heart approved everything that I had asked of it. That inner induration which filled me completely, suddenly, right in the last moment, cannot be but the result of the agreement that I had sealed with my heart. My heart dictated my mind and my mind held total control over me.

If you want to win, you must adjust your mentality

The subconscious takes over the conscious. I was afraid that I would lose and I didn't escape what I feared most. What I was thinking had the power to become reality, my reality. A reality which affected me completely. The deep fear filling me made everything shiver inside me. And retreating, I played bad until the end. This inner conflict decreased my power to fight, made nothing but decrease the power of my will.

In the end, it was the fight with myself, with an invisible adversary: my inner self, which, instead of encouraging me and giving me more hope when I most needed it, left me. Razvan shattered the confidence in my forces, giving me that proud look which was downright proving self confidence. I wish I had a lucky talisman around my neck, an Auryn, which I could touch and instantly feel how the entire courage I needed projects into my heart, filling it completely. But I had nothing, beside my soul, which was of no help at all.

One thing helps people, in certain situations, to evolve to a better reality: thinking positively in regards to their expectations. They can fill themselves with energy only by regaining their self confidence. Every time, those who don't control their emotions prove uncertainty in their actions. Sometimes, even if they are at despair, it is good to continue believing in victory, with a blind determination and not take into consideration the fear in your heart. Easy said, but difficult to do, isn't it?

Practice. Practice. Practice.

After that painful defeat, I took a second thought, I consulted my inner voice and I found the answer. Everything I need in order to be more confident in the future is practice. Practice is the only remedy for improving self confidence. The more often I will play ping-pong, with as many opponents as possible, the better I will grow and the more I will be more confident in my own strength.

The guardian of the stormy soul can only be our inner “self”, the great arbiter who can also be tricked sometimes by appearances and who cannot demobilize when facing the opponent.

What can we do? It is essential to boost self confidence by gaining vast experience, which is obtained by permanent exercise, correct self-evaluation of performances, as well as continuous improvement.

Enhance the quality level of your results by exploiting your own ressources, which have the particularity to produce positive effects.